Remission (USUK)
by NoraGray20
Summary: Writing letters and not sending them won't solve anything. It won't make the pain fade away. It won't help forgetting. That is why, after 100 years, Alfred decides he should go in person, in England, so he can settle things with Arthur.
1. Prologue

**_ 24 march 1876_**

**_ Dear Arthur,_**

**_How's the weather in England? Still raining?_**

**_I just want to know how are you?_**

**_ Alfred F. Jones_**

I've been writing this letter for more than 100 times, but I just never send it. Everytime I feel ready to send it, my heart starts beating faster and faster, my sight fades away, my breathing gets heavier, and my entire body starts trembling. I have no idea, why I react like this. I guess I'm just afraid...afraid of what could Arthur think, of what his reaction could be. He'd probably not even read the letter.

I haven't seen him for more than a century. Everytime I had to go in UK for meetings and bussiness I found a way to send a representative, so I don't have to face him. At first the rep told me that Arthur always would ask where I am, and why didn't I go...and if I am really that ignorant when it comes to my countrie's problems. But in time he just... stopped asking about me. The problem is that I am so coward when it comes to this. Look at me, I can't even send a damn letter to him. "How's the weather?" Really? How stupid can I be? I can't ask him that after a century. Maybe I should just ask him to forgive me...Yeah, sure...I could write "Hey Arthur, listen... I'm sorry for what I did!" .

Oh God, when will this be over?


	2. Dear ArthurI'm here

Spring. My favorite season...everything comes back to life. It's like death was once again defeated. In this time of the year I usally spent my time outside, in my little backyard garden, sitting on the bench and just admire the view.

"Mr. Jones, I made you a coffee."

"Oh...thanks Toris." Toris is living with me for a long time now. Because I offered to help him with his problems in his country, he just feels the need to act like a servant. I even told him before to call me Alfred, but he quickly replyed that he respects me, and calling me Mr. Jones is better. "Come sit. Drink a coffee with me." I asked him with a smile, trying to make him feel more comfortable. He was just looking at me, and suddenly I see him how his cheeks turn into a bright shade of pink. This guy is hopeless. "C'mon." I made him place on the bench, and he sits shyly, with both of his hands on his knees. "Man...you really need to relax." I say almost laughing, while he smiles without looking at me.

"It is a beautiful weather today, isn't it?" He breaks the silence, with a sweet tone in his voice. I just nod, remembering about the letter I wanted again to send to Arthur.

"Toris? Can I ask you something?" He turns his head to face me, and nods. I take a small sip of coffee and then a deep breath. "Hypothetically speaking...because I know you wouldn't hurt anybody...but let's say you did hurt someone, and now all you can think about is that person, and you even suffer a lot because of that...what would you do to make yourself feel better? " I finally asked him hesitating a little. He just looked away, but a small smile appeared on his lips. I just waited impatiently for a life savior answer.

"I think...I think that I would try to make sure that the person I hurt feels better, and then maybe I would feel better as well. I would try to ask for forgiveness, because when you forgive you love and when you love you forgive." I was in a deep state of shock, mostly because I would never expect for such words from Toris.

"Wow...Jesus." I said with wide eyes, looking at the lithuanian, who started laughing. "You kinda sounded like Jesus now." And that's when it hit me. I would never solve anything, just sitting at my desk and write letters that I will never send. I would never solve anyhting just wasting time thinking at Arthur and what I've done a century ago. I would never solve anything just running away from this responsability.

"Mr. Jones...Mr. Jones...Alfred!" Finally Toris woke me up from my reverie.

"I'm going to England." The words came out of my mouth like it was the most natural thing to do. Toris was looking at me with confusion. "I'm going to Arthur. " I added. "And you are coming with me." His eyes became wider and wider, and his mouth almost dropped open.

"But Mr. Jones, shouldn't we send a letter to them to announce..."

"Definately not!" I almost shouted, making Toris whimper.

"But Sir...showing up uninvited it's not a very good idea..." He tried hardly to convince me.

"I don't care! I need to speak with Arthur and I will, even if he doesn't want to see me. Let's pack our bags! Tomorrow morning will be on our way." And with that I ended the conversation, leaving Toris with a frightened expression on his face.

That night I couldn't sleep at all. Hundreds of scenarios went through my mind. Scenarios in which Arthur didn't even wanted to hear that I am at his place. Scenarios in which Arthur could not be found. Scenarios in which Arthur was very sick...and even scenarios in which he would just run into my arms with his eyes full of tears.

The next morning we started our long journey to Europe, and my first journey to England. It took as almost 20 days to get there, crossing the Atlantic Ocean with more than 15 knots. When we arived in the Bristol harbour, we decided to get to London by train. It was a long travel, but I finally had the chance to see how Arthur's home looks like...and it looked just like him: peacefully, beautiful and just breath-taking. The closer I got to his place, the more anxious I became. I started to think again about what I am going to say to him, that if he wants to see me. Having Toris there with me really helped me a lot.

USUK

We were both standing in front of this huge mansion, in the middle of a pine forest. We walked on a big stone alley to get there. The mansion looked almost like a castle, in a pale white colour, with marble stairs that would lead us to the front entry. We were astonished by this beautiful image.

"So he lives here..." I finally manage to say, making Toris to nod in agreement. Suddenly the big mahogany door opened, making my heart stop for a few seconds, but a tall brown-haired man, dressed in a black frock coat, dark-green tweed pants and black riding boots appeared. He looked at us with a scowl.

"May I help you, gentlemen?" He asked with a low voice.

"Hello Sir! I am Alfred Jones from U.S and this is my comrade, Toris Laurinaitis. We are here to see Arthur..."

"What he means is Sir Kirkland!" Toris cut me short, almost shouting. The tall man walked over to us and shaked our hands, his scowl slowly disappearing.

"William Hamond I am." He said with a strong british accent. "Does Sir Kirkland know about your visit?" I looked at Toris who's lips turned into a thin line.

"Actually he doesn't." I said trying to sound as tough as possible. "It was a last minute trip." He looked at me and then again at Toris.

"I see. Please come inside. I'll go tell him that you are here." And with that, we walked inside the mansion. I and Toris stopped in the huge vestibule, looking at the dark-wooden stairs in front of us, and at the paintings on the wall. Some of them I could recognize as being the great work of Joshua Reynolds, Hans Holbein the Younger, Rubens and Van Dyck.

"Do you think he wants to see us?" Toris finally asked me hesitating. I looked at him and smiled, trying to make him relax a bit.

"He doesn't have a reason not to see you, Toris...and me...well...we'll see." And for some reason the thought that William could come downstairs and tell me to leave came into my mind. I hoped from the bottom of my heart that I didn't show how miserable I felt. In the next moment William came back to us, with a smile on his face.

"Sir Kirkland can't see you at the moment, he has something to take care of right now." And in that moment I couldn't control my strength anymore. I felt like I was about to explode. I felt my eyes filling with tears, and I tried as hard as I could not to let them escape, until the british man started talking again. "But he asked if you would like to stay for dinner?" My face enlighten, and a shy smile appeared on my lips. I looked at Toris who was smiling as well.

"Well we can't really go back to USA, can we now?" I said jokingly. The man laughed and then patted my shoulder.

"Of course not. Come, I'll get you to your rooms, where you can rest a little. I bet you are tired after such a long trip." He said leading us upstairs and into our rooms. The first thing I did when I was alone in the big bedroom, was to plunge in the huge covered in dark-green velvet bed. It was such a good feeling to know that Arthur wants to see me, that he wants to talk to me. A feeling that made my eyes full with tears again, but this time I just let them trickle on my cheeks. God...it's been a while since i've been crying.

USUK

"Mr. Jones...Mr. Jones." Toris's whispering voice woke me up. I opened my eyes slowly, just to realise that it was dark outside. We arrived here this morning...did I slept all day long? "The dinner starts in an hour. You should get ready." I yawned a couple of times and then rubbed my eyes with my hands.

"I'm up, I'm up." I said with boredome. Toris left from my bedroom so i could get dressed. I took a white shirt, and over it a grey cotton waistcoat, black cloth pants, and black cloth froak coat with a contrasting Ascot tie. I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. This was it. I tried to convince myself that there is no reason to be all fussy. I finally got out of the room and went downstairs to find the dinning room, which was the next room after the big vestibule. I stopped in the vestibule just to see that Toris was already sitting at the table, drinking some tea. _"This bastard! Why didn't he waited for me?" _I thought to myself, while I was entering the dinning room, but then my eyes fell on te person sitting at the top of the table. It was Arthur. With his spiky blond hair, his pale-white skin, contrasting the black suit he was wearing, and his emerald green eyes. Those big eyes, that I could drown in them. Those big eyes that...were staring at me now. _"Fuck! Say something...hello...anyhting." _I swallowed hard and then walked over to the table.

"Good evening!" I said with the most fake smile I have ever shown. Arthur stand up from his chair and looked at me, then a smile appeared on his face.

"Good evening to you too, Alfred!" He said, his gentle voice making my heart melt. "It's been a while..." Arthur added almost whispering, while his eyes simply saddened. I just nodded and then looked at Toris, who was showing the widest smile I have ever seen. We sited on our chairs, and we tried hard to avoid looking eachother in the eyes. It was like I was challenging myself: _"Do not look in his eyes. Do not look in his eyes. Did you just glanced at him? No! Stop it! Look at the food...or Toris...Yes Toris." _But then my moment of deep contemplation was ruined by Arthur's british accent: "So...How was your trip?Long, right? I don't know why I'm asking this...Of course it was long...but not as long as it used to be 50 years ago. It would take us more than 60 days to cross the Atlantic Ocean." OKEY. He sure was sociable...but that's when I realised that Arthur was actually extremely nervous, so he was trying to mask his anxiety with useless words. I guess I should help him a little.

"Um..." And I paused, making Arthur and Toris looking at me with raised eyebrows. "You have a great house!" I must've sounded so stupid, because Toris looked at me and rolled his eyes, but Arthur was actually smiling.

"I'm glad you like it. It has a few centuries." He said, looking down at his platern, his smile fading away.

"My house is not that big, but it's great!" I said with my over-excited tone. "It's at the country side, just like yours. You should come visit sometimes." And why did I said that? _"Hurry...change the subject." _

"Mhm...I should." Arthur said looking at me with seriousness. And in the next moment I see Toris who winked at me.

"I am tired. If you'll excuse me I'll go to bed." I looked at him with my face all frowned, but I tried to hide that with my smile.

"Didn't you sleep before dinner?" I asked him, trying to convince him not to let me alone with Arthur. It was just too soon, for me to be alone in a room with him.

"Actually, if I may Alfred, Toris didn't sleep, he spent the day outside in the garden...so I, personally believe him when he says that he's tired." Arthur intervened. I just nodded, and Toris smiled at me.

"Have a nice evening, and thank you for this lovely dinner."

"Good night, Toris." And with that he was gone. _"SHIT!". _I was again trying hardly not to look at Arthur, who was peacefully eating his dinner. "Would you like a glass of red wine?" I raised my look, to see Arthur walking towards me, and with his hands covered in white gloves, he poured the red drink in my glass, without looking at me. I swallowed hard and wiped my mouth with the white handkerchief.

"Thank you." I said with a low voice, trying to control my trembling voice. Arthur poured some wine for him too, then raised the glass looking at me with a hellish smile.

"Cheers mate!" I looked in his deep-green eyes without saying a word. My glass was still on the table. "You don't want to drink a glass with me, Alfred?" He demanded. I took the glass in my hand, stand up from my chair and walked over to him, until we were face to face.

"Cheers, Arthur!" I said with sobriety, and then I drank all the wine in one small sip, while Arthur was looking at me in shock, but then he's sweet laugh was caressing my hearing.

"Easy cowboy!" I put the glass on the table, and I smiled at him. In the next moment he poured me another glass. _"Is he trying to get me drunk?"_ I looked at the glass, and then again at Arthur, raising an eyebrow. "Shall we take a walk?" He started walking, and I behind him, taking advantage of this moment to study him a little. _"Was he always this slender?" _We went outside the mansion, on a big patio, with a white iron table and two white iron chairs. From there you could see a beautiful blue lake, the moon mirroring in it.

"Nice view." I said calmly. We went to sit down and I don't know why, but from some weird reason I drank the other glass of wine in a rush, like I was thirsty for 100 years and now I am able to calm down my thirst. Arthur poured me another glass, which again I drank it in a sip.

"It's good, right?" He asked smiling. "It's 34 years old." I smiled a little and when I looked at him, I realised that I was starting to see Arthur twice. _"Fuck...am I drunk already?" _

USUK

I opened my eyes like it was the hardest thing to do. The bright light coming from outside was blinding me. I put the blanket over my head to "protect" myself from the morning. After a half an hour I managed to get up and get dressed. My head was literally exploding and I was having an uncontrolled scowl on my face. I went downstairs, where a gorgeous young blond woman smiled at me.

"Good morning Sir! Would you like to have breakfast on the patio?" I looked at her and tried to smile, and it felt like it was the hardest thing to do.

"Yes, thank you." So, I walked outside, where sitting at the table was Arthur, dressed in black cloth pants, a white shirt and just a waiscoat. He was peacefully reading a book, but he automatically raised his look and smiled at me.

"Well good morning!"

"Good morning!" I said, sitting down, and resting my head in my hands. "My head is killing me." Arthur looked at me, and I could see that he was trying to abstain himself from bursting into laughter.

"Eat." He ordered. "You'll feel better."

"What the hell happened last night?" I asked him, hoping that I didn't embaressed myself because of the wine.

"You drank...it's not a crime." He said taking a sip from his porcelain cup of tea.

"Did I..." He looked at me with wide eyes. "Um...did I say anything?" He put his tea cup down and looked at me again.

"Like what?" He asked me, having a serious expression.

"I don't know...that's why I'm asking you." I reply almost laughing.

"Don't worry. You didn't say anything that could put you in a bad light." He added, clearly annoyed. I rolled my eyes and looked away, at the lake, that was shinning like in fairytale.

"Where's Toris?"

"He wanted to take a walk...so I gave him a horse." He said, his look blocked in the book he was reading before. And that was the moment I've been waiting. The moment when nothing could disturb us. That was the moment to ask for forgiveness. But I was speechless. I was just looking at him, swallowing hard. "What?" He said looking at me.

"Arthur..." I started, wishing from the bottom of my heart to find the power to solve the problem we had. "I came here because..." He closed his book, and raised his eyebrows, in expectation. "Because I wanted to talk to you about...what happened."

"Talk." He said all frowned, and that expression sort of cut all my courage.

"Nevermind." I said shortly, and started to eat.

"You said you wanted to talk, then talk." Arthur said with authority.

"I don't want to talk if you're like this." I simply replyed, and continued eating. But in that moment Arthur's eyes became full of hatred.

"I am like this? Well, how do you want me to be?" He asked almost shouting, making me drop the food from my fork. I swalowed hard again and put the fork on the table. Arthur was breathing hard, and was looking at me with anger. "Alfred talk." He finally calmed down, but only for a brief moment. "GOD DAMMIT ALFRED! TALK!" He shouted.

"Ok, Ok...Jesus." I said trying to calm him down, which I didn't succeded, because his face was still all frowned, his eyes full of spite, and his hands were starting to subtily tremble.

"I'm all ears." He said roughly biting his lower lip, making me look down at the platern in front of me.

"I know it's been a long time since our ways...parted, and I also know that I should've writen to you...but I just couldn't find the words. But lately I couldn't live with myself anymore. I was constantly thinking about you...day and night. What I am trying to say is that ... if you could find it in your heart to forgive me than...everything will be so much better. Our lives would get better." I raised my look to see Arthur's eyes full of tears. He looked the saddest I have ever seen him, and that image broke my heart. He sighed and wiped his tears.

"If I can find it in my heart?" He finally managed to ask me with a trembling voice. "Alfred, my heart was broken into thousand little pieces, a century ago. It shattered like a cristal glass." And with that he stood up from his chair and walked to get inside.

"Arthur...please." I begged him, my eyes as well filling with tears. He turned around and looked at me with disgust.

"Who do you think you are? You come here all humble after one hundred years. One hundred years in which death sounded so peacefully, in which I cried myself to sleep every bloody night, in which I hated myself for not wanting to forget everything about you. You want forgiveness? Do you deserve forgiveness?" And he left inside, leaving me there, speechless. But in the moment I found myself alone, tears started pouring from my eyes without stopping. I was drowning in my own sorrow, shedding tears and mumbling his name. I have no idea how long I stood there, looking like a wreck, with my hands covering my face, but in the end Toris patted my shoulder.

"He won't forgive me, Toris." I said raising my head to look him in the eyes. He smiled at me bashfully and went to sit down.

"Alfred, have a little patience. He just needs some time. We arrived here only yesterday and you already jumped all over him."

"We're leaving tomorrow." I said standing up. Toris just nodded and then loked at me.

"As you wish."

And I left him there. I had to talk to Arthur again. This will not remain like it was for one hundred years. I went in the vestibule, where the woman from this morning was dusting the paintings. She looked at me and smiled.

"May I help you Sir?" She asked in a sweet voice.

"Where's Arthur?" I demanded and her face became serious.

"Sir Kirkland is in his study." In that moment I started almost running up the stairs, and I could hear the woman yelling "He doesn't want to be disturbed!...Sir!" But I didn't care anymore. I felt like I couldn't breath anymore, sweat was dripping on my forehead, and eagerness was possessing me. I arrived in front of his door, and I hesitated before I burst inside, making Arthur turn from his window to face me, his eyes red and his cheeks wet. He wanted to say something, but I walked over him:

"Shh...Just listen to me. I know I destroyed you, that I broke your heart, but I am destroyed as well. My heart is also broken, Arthur. Do you actually think that after the war I lived happilly ever after? Well, I didn't...and you know why?" I asked shouting at him, but I wasn't expecting an answer. "Because I missed you. I missed you so bad that it hurts. And when I said ealier that I couldn't live with myself, I mean it. It's true I didn't want to be your little brother anymore...because I wanted you to look at me not like at a relative that you need to protect...but like at an equal. I wanted to protect eachother...more than that Arthur I wanted to be with you, day and night." He was staring at me with wide eyes and his mouth dropped open. But I wasn't finish with my speech. I said all of this, might as well tell him everything. "I love you." He was still speechless, so I decided to show him how I feel, so I started to walk until I was in front of him. I touched one of his cheeks with my hand, wiping his tears, and with the other hand I started caressing his blond hair. He raised his hand, and for a moment I thought he is going to punch me, but he actually grabbed me from the collar and pulled me closer, until we found ourselves in a warm and long awaited embrace.

"I love you too." He said whispering, while staring in my eyes. I bend over and slowly brushed my lips against his. I could feel his breath against my mouth. We pressed our lips together, my tongue invading his mouth. The kiss made me feel so turned on, that I let out a soft moan, that made Arthur tremble in my embrace. We stopped the wet kiss, so we could catch our breath. We were panting, and looking eachother in the eyes, craving for more.

"Are you crying?" He asked me with a gentle voice. I nodded and smiled at him.

"Yeah...I'm crying like a little girl lately." Arthur burst into laughter and wiped my tears.

"I'm here now, Alfred."

"And I'm here now, Arthur."

**A/N: I hope you liked this short story.**

**This is just how I imagine Arthur and Alfred making up.**

**Please feel free to review, and tell me your opinion about what I wrote.**

**PS: Excuse my bad english**


End file.
